back to school

hmm....I think that I need to go back to school. I mean, I know I'm in school now, but I think I need to go back - or rather - keep going. but since I'm almost done with this degree, this new revelation means that I need to choose something new. something I can get another bachelors degree in. I don't think I'm grown up enough to get a masters degree. or maybe I am - just not in nursing. I am definitely not grown up enough to be a nurse practitioner. I'm not grown up enough to be a nurse!

maybe teaching. that was the other option I thought of when I came back to school this time. but then I don't know what to teach. I can't really teach nursing, since I haven't even really been a nurse. so I need to decide which subject I liked best from hs. I think I remember liking math a lot. I could teach math. math would be fun. but teachers don't make a lot of money. and with three degrees, I'd have a lot of debt. so I'd need to make a lot of money. maybe I could teach, and then moonlight as nurse. I mean, I don't need to sleep...not really. or I could be at school from 730?ish to 4ish, then sleep for like 2.5 hours then work a night shift. yeah, that could work. and this is really all up in the air. I mean, I have to graduate and get my teaching certificate first.

I like this plan. it would give me at least three more years before I have to be a grown up. that makes me feel a little less stressed. I mean, who knew it would be so hard to find the right nursing job. and just when I think that I've found it - the nurse manager reveals to me that she's already hired all the new grads she's going to hire for the time being. stupid hr dude who didn't pass on my application when I first applied well over a month ago. you lost me at least an interview....

so now that I won't get the job I thought I wanted...which I'm actually okay with, kind of. I really do think that the right job is out there for me somewhere. I just don't know where that somewhere is. and I don't know what I will be doing in that somewhere. and when I start looking for different somewheres...I realize that there aren't as many jobs out there as people think there are, and I start hyperventilating and my stomach starts to knot itself. why is finding a job so darn hard?!

maybe I'm being too picky. I just don't want to be unhappy with wherever I go. I mean...I already know what I would rather be doing. but since that will never be an option until I stop eating and start being someone I'm not...my only other option is to go back to school.

yeah...a teacher. I think that's good...for now.