impulsive

I think I tend to be impulsive. extremely. and it's not a good thing. you might think that it could be...thinking about all of the angles before making a decision, and then not looking back. well, if I actually did that it probably would be a positive thing. however, I don't usually look at all of the angles. I don't always weigh out every option. what I'm saying is that I do usually think through things before I commit, but once I commit, I want whatever it is with a desire that cannot be quenched.

case study 1: dell laptop. during my second year at byu I really wanted a laptop. really badly. and so I thought about it for quite a long time. and I looked at different options on the internet. but I never really did a lot of research. one day I just decided that I was going to buy a laptop. and so I did. I went to the dell website, applied for financing, was approved, and bought a laptop. and I never looked back. and I used that laptop for six years. I gave it to my brother when he got home, and even though it's a dinosaur, I think it still runs well. I'd like to think that I kept it in pretty good shape.

case study 2: nursing school...well school in general. after I was denied entrance to the program of my choice at byu (and because of some other things)...I realized that I was going to have to choose a new major. and I did what every responsible college student does - I took some class called career explorations or something like that. I think that I heard about recreation management from one of my professors, and somebody else back home. and then I decided it was the major I was going to do. I went to the office and got signed up. no funny business. no looking back. no looking into actual career options - I just assumed that I would find a job after I graduated. but I didn't. and while I realize now it was probably the best thing that happened to me, I still didn't do what I should have when deciding on a major. and you might think that I spent more time looking into nursing when I went back to school. but honestly, I didn't do that much. I did some research (regarding how much rn's get paid, and the job outlook), I even talked to another girl in my ward who was going back to school to be a nurse as well. and then weighed the options in my mind - if I was more suited to being a nurse or a teacher. but I don't think I really understood what I was getting into. but once I decided it was going to be nursing school - there was no looking back. I figured out what I needed to do in order to get through school, and I did it.

case study 3 - bug. well, this one isn't so much me as it is my dad. but I will take credit since I was the one who actually purchased the thing. the car that my parent's were letting me use was starting to have some brake issues. and instead of finding out how much it would be to fix the car, I decided that I wanted something different. so my dad sold the car I was using and came down to help me buy another one. I didn't do any research beforehand. I didn't go to dealers, or call on ads. we did drive to walla walla to look at a car. and it was nice, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted. so the next day we went to an auction where we found three cars that I liked. a jetta, a bug, and a focus. I have always liked the looks of the jetta. so that's the one I really wanted. but the focus was probably in the best shape. the jetta came through the line first (and for those who haven't been to a car auction, or any other auction, let me tell you - I was overwhelmed. but then again, I tend to get overwhelmed in new situations). I wanted that car so badly. and my dad was kind of being passive about putting in bids - I actually don't remember if he bid on it at all. and before I could talk to him about wanting the car, the price got too ridiculously high, and it was over. and before we could recoup, the bug was next. and for some reason my dad thought that I wanted the bug more. I think that he was mixing up my mom's car preference with mine. and somehow, he won the auction. I was excited and scared that I had won the car. but I paid for it and drove it home...and then it broke. but that's another story. the point of this story is that I should have been more responsible and picked a car that I could test drive before purchase. it all worked out because my dad has a friend who is an amazing mechanic, but still...

case study 4: house. I can't honestly say that I have been thinking about buying a house for an extended period of time. I think it's been in the back of my head for awhile, but I didn't think that I was responsible enough for a house. there are other things too (like student loans). but with some of the space issues that have happened over the past few weeks, I decided that I really want my own space. and all of the sudden, I looked at a house on friday...and it's the one I want. I haven't looked at other houses. I don't even know if I can get approved for a home loan. but I can't get this house out of my head. I should be more responsible. I should look at other houses, especially something cheaper (I don't have to live in a really nice place for it to be mine). I should make sure that I can afford the payments and upkeep. but right now, I just want this house. I wish the bank was open or the mortgage guy my dad wants me to talk to was in his office right now. I wish all of the paperwork was done, and everything else that needs to be done was settled so I could move in.

unfortunately my life is full of these case studies.

ahh! I have no control! no wonder I am the way I am. I keep trying to tell myself to take it slow and that everything will work out. that I should be responsible and just rent if I feel like I need my own space. I kind of feel a little like I did when I was trying to decide on the job. well, not at all like I did then, I am not as stressed out, and I haven't gotten any migraines. but with the money the government is giving to new home owners, I feel like if I wait to be responsible, that this house and the money will disappear and I will be an idiot for not jumping on it sooner. perhaps that is my problem. I am so afraid that I will miss out on opportunities, that I do things without thinking about all of the consequences.

anyway, click here and here for links to an example of the house that I like. if you want to see it of course.

I supposed to meet with a guy about getting pre-approved on monday. I figure the worst that happens is I am not eligible for a loan. I will probably be disappointed that I won't get the house I really like. but I'm sure it will all work out for the best in the end.