a milestone and a story

being in this new stage in my life (employment), I've been thinking a lot about my living situation. I don't mind living at home too much, and I really appreciate the fact that my parents are allowing me to be here, pretty much rent free. but sometimes I think that I should be out on my own.

so I've been thinking about renting or buying. but I don't know what to do.

either option means moses lake is for real. I mean, I know it is. I have a job here. but something about having my own apartment or house here means that I can't just leave next month. well...I could if I rented, but you know what I mean.

and buying a house is a big deal....and it means lots of money. and when I am starting to pay back my student loans soon...even more money.

and maybe it's just me, but renting prospects in ML don't seem all that great. there just aren't a ton of options (or maybe I'm not looking in the right places??)

it would just be nice to not have to worry about some of the things I currently deal with. it's not a huge deal...but having my own space would be nice. I think.

maybe if I find the "perfect" place....
if you have any thoughts on the subject, I could use some help.

on another note, work is still going on. I do finally have a story I can share. I have a hard time knowing what stories I can share about work because of hipaa. so instead I have tried to steer clear from everything that has happened on the floor.

but since this incident happened during a class, I feel completely comfortable in sharing it.

as I have mentioned in previous posts, working nights hasn't been the really hard part. it's the transitioning back to days. so last week was an interesting one for me. I had to work monday and tuesday night, and then I had NRP on thursday day. NRP is the neonatal resuscitation program. pretty much it's how to resuscitate babies. I was given a book back at orientation, and I think I was told to read it for class. I put it off until that week, because, lets face it, I'm a bit procrastinator. and I hate reading textbooks.

so that tuesday at work I was trying to read it and everyone kept telling me about how hard the class is, and that if I don't read the book I'm not going to do well. so I made a plan. on wednesday morning when I got off work, I was going to take a nap, and then get up and study, so I could go to bed and switch myself back to days.

didn't happen quite like that.

I did get to take a nap...only after I was up reading another book (or something) until 11am. then I slept until 5. when I got up I still didn't want to study. it was about 9 pm when I finally started, and 11 pm when I really really started. so by the time I was finished it was 3 am. and I had not only read every chapter, but taken all of the quizzes at the end of each chapter. I felt prepared. and 3 am wasn't such a bad time to go to bed, since I usually stayed up until 9am or so.

the thing is....I could not fall asleep. not for the life of me. I just laid in bed thinking about the class...and how hard the test was going to bed. and about the mock code we had to perform in front of everybody else that was taking the class.

needless to say - I did not sleep at all.

when I got up to go to class I was so stressed out because I hadn't slept and because I didn't know what to expect. and since I will probably have to resuscitate a baby at some time in my career, I really wanted to know what I was doing.

I arrived at the hospital for the class at 8:30 am, only to find out that it was scheduled to start at 9am. so I waited. and then when 9 finally rolled around, we all found out that the person who was supposed to teach the class "wasn't aware of that fact" so we started to watch the video associated with the class while the nurse educator scrambled around trying to find someone to teach it.

after each little module/lesson the movie would stop and the other nurses and the one respiratory therapist taking the class with us would start talking about what happens in real life - trying to help us newbies (there were two of us) know what to expect.

pretty much the same thing happened when another respiratory therapist showed up to "teach" the class. he was one of the usual instructors, so you would think that the class would have been a little more organized. which I guess it was. it was organized almost word for word what I had read from the book the previous night.

now I am not a really smart person by any stretch of the imagination. but I do know how to study, and procrastination studying is my speciality. so when I realized that everything was going to be a rehash of what I had previous read I was a little disappointed. but then I realized that repeating the material can be a good way to learn things, and I still could look forward to the hands on training.

only then I found out that the hands on training was only going to be the mock code. ahhh! stress!

it was when we broke for lunch that I started feeling the lack of sleep. by the time we got back I had started shaking every once in awhile. everyone wanted to know what was going on...so I explained that I had stayed up studying, and that I hadn't been able to fall asleep.

well, the rest of the class went on like it had before, and then it was time for the big mock code. and boy was it a joke. I was nervous to go first, so I didn't volunteer. instead one of the experienced nurses and the RT went. and he kind of gave a scenario, and these people were supposed to pretend that it was real life. but it wasn't. if they didn't remember a step, he would step in and tell them. which is fine, as long as they would do it. but they would say, "oh yeah, I'm doing chest compressions," or, "I already intubated." I'm not telling it very well, but it wasn't very well organized. he'd call people up to do a job, and all they would do is stand around while everyone talked about what we were supposed to be doing instead of actually doing it.

and then it was my turn. I got up with the other newbie. she started by being the one to bag, and I gave chest compressions. and while I was giving chest compressions, he started talking to some of the other nurses about totally random stuff. it was crazy. when he finally came back he was all, "okay, I need to see the other person do the chest compressions now." and then that was pretty much it. if I needed to resuscitate a newborn tomorrow, I would only know what to do based on what I read in the book and what I've seen in class. thank goodness I won't have to do it by myself (and not tomorrow, because I don't have to work tomorrow).

but that wasn't the worst part of the day, at least not for me. after the mock code, we had to take a written test. which he decided would be open book and open neighbor. seriously? what are we supposed to show if the test is open? I decided for myself that I was going to take the test by myself and without my book. I mean, I had stayed up all night studying. I was going to show that it wasn't a waste.

so I started taking the test. when I was on question 6 or so my neighbor looked at my answer sheet and said, "you put c for answer 3. all the rest of us put a." and I said, "well, it is answer c, but you are welcome to put whatever answer you want." everyone proceeded to pull out their books to show me that I was wrong. so then I opened my book, a few pages after where they were trying to show me the correct answer was, only to show them, word for word, that mine was the correct answer. they all proceeded to change their answers.

about 5 or so minutes later they all began discussing another question. I probably shouldn't have, but I jumped in and said something about how this other answer was the correct answer and why it was that way. the RT then turned to me and said, "you just need to calm down. we all know that you are tired, but you are just way too on edge and just need to calm down."

now I admit, I had only a few hours of sleep the previous day and I had stayed up all night. and I was probably a little more "on edge" then I usually am. but in no way was I in a place emotionally that I needed to "calm down." by telling me to calm down, she actually made me go to that place where I did need to take her command (by no means was it said as advice). I think my biggest pet peeve is when people tell me to calm down. my brother says it all the time about the stupidest stuff. the other day as he was walking out the door I told him to shut the door as he left. and he said, "you need to calm down." which only made me mad. I think that telling someone to "calm down" when they are needing to do such a thing is probably the worst thing you could actually say. it's like telling a woman who is screaming because she came into the hospital in labor, with the baby crowning, when there is no time for medication or an epidural, to calm down. she probably knows she needs to calm down. telling her that does absolutely no good. saying something in a soothing voice like, "I know that you are in a lot of pain, but there isn't time to give you any medication. I am going to be here as you have this baby, and I am going to help you breathe through the pain." I actually haven't done that, and maybe it wouldn't work, but it sounds a heck of a lot more appropriate than telling her that she needs to calm down. can you tell that I really hate the phrase "calm down"?

so back to the story. I was pissed. I hadn't been before, but the second she said that, I was. so instead of shouting back some smart remark, I clamped down, shut up, and ignored everybody. well, I didn't ignore them, I laughed loudly in my head every time they picked the wrong answer. because there was no way that I was going to help.

and when we turned in our tests, I was the last one the instructor graded. so I got to see how everybody else did. and while we all actually passed, I do feel a little vindicated in the fact that I only missed two total, while everybody else missed at least 6. petty, but I feel happy inside. I've seen the RT a couple of times since then. I just smile politely as I pass by. I'll probably work with her in the future, so I just need to get over this and pretend like I didn't get offended. oh well...live and learn.

on a final note, this is my 100th blog post. I have been putting of writing because I wanted to write something profound. but I am not a profound person. so here's to a great 100 posts, and to hopefully another great 100. perhaps I will have a few more exciting stories to share in the future.